Once upon My Youthful Time, I claimed the Cardinal as “MY Favorite Bird.” When I say ‘Mine’, there was Ownership involved.
I was of legal age and ego-centric. I did not accept that entire states claimed the bird. I didn’t acknowledge that sports teams on every level claimed the bird. However, I was in my twenties and knew everything and would have told you other entities used the WORD Cardinal. But, the Cardinal Himself…..well, he was Mine.
Blessed, I was. Mystical, even, whenever that flash of red caught my eye. “Love is on its way” was the sing-songy stanza that accompanied a Cardinal sighting. I had a whole series of rituals in my budding girlhood years: Not stepping on cracks, throwing salt, twisting apple stems, and tying daisy chains. All in the name of my truest love.
Indeed, Love came and my beloved cardinal sprung hope eternal. Then Love – well, he Left. Still the Cardinal came -“oh, he’s still thinking of me”. Hopelessly romantic (read: insecure), I ignored the fact that Love was sleeping with another girl.
Death came into my Life. My Cardinal became a talisman for the departed. Such broad shoulders for a bird. A bit wiser now, I realized that I was unaware if birds actually HAD shoulders. No matter, the cardinal carried Love.
Love came again…and again and again. My beloved Cardinal always flashing hope, joy, and love. Love left just as often as it came. One day, that Love..REALLY arrived. Never before had I spent so much time being courted, adored, cherished….every day, that Cardinal came. I knew it was my final dance with Love. He confessed the Cardinal to be HIS bird. I was willing to share. It had taken decades of faith, and trust, but Love finally came.
Time passed, babies came, and Love was abundant.
Unrelentingly, wearing many different masks, Death descended upon my life. Reeling and resilient, that Cardinal, he still showed up. Older now, I saw the difference between male and female cardinals. I began to nurture a love for the female cardinal. Less vibrant in color, her song is more lively. During a road trip to North Carolina, I gazed at my cardinal on every passing license plate. I began to have a long talk with myself. That Rouge Renegade. Well, maybe he’s not mine. Ownership is Fickle, and Futile.
A beautiful November morning was breaking. I stood at my sink waiting for the kettle to whistle while doing dishes. I looked out the window to my back yard feeling so full of Love. My house was warm, my daughter was home, fast asleep. My son was safe. All was well with family and friends. I have a wee mirror placed near my sink per Feng Shui orders. I noticed my aging face and smiled at the old woman who looked back at me.
The sun rose,and highlighted the blazing reds, and yellows of a bittersweet vine in my back yard. I thought : “Look at how beautiful your Life is”.
I noticed a slight movement in the branches. I stopped all movement. There, to the top of the vine, sat the fattest, reddest, most brilliant, Cardinal I had ever seen – Ever. I stood in absolute awe. No Fantasy, no attachment – simple Awe. Robust and Bright, he stayed for a long time. Taking a calculated risk, I quickly ran for my camera.
I tip-toed out of my kitchen, onto the porch and peeked out the window. He was still there. I carefully opened the door and stepped outside. Gone. Elusively Gone. I took a bracingly deep breath of morning air, and went back inside.
I ran my hands under the warm water amazed at the beauty around me. I looked up; he was back! I admonished myself for trying to capture something that couldn’t be captured, and still, out the door I went. Silly Woman, sneaking up on Love.
I stepped outside and looked toward the bittersweet. Not surprisingly, the scarlet man had flown. This time, I sat down in the brisk morning air feeling tremendously grateful. I am single AND my life has been filled with SO much love. Indeed, through death or departure, love had left. Yet, It always, always, always had come back. I sat on that deck, my decrepit, falling down deck, feeling like the richest woman alive.
After awhile, my eyes landed on a tree at the farthest corner of my yard. Coming into my focus, perched on a lone, naked branch, it’s brilliant face to the sun, crimsom burning it’s way into my heart….was my Cardinal.
Ever Present.
All the time, Ever Present.
Simply a matter of sitting… and seeing.
Love.
joanneorrdotme 